I WROTE THIS FOR SOMEONE ELSE I CARE ABOUT, BUT I THOUGHT I WOULD PUT IT HERE TOO, JUST IN CASE IT MIGHT HELP SOMEONE ELSE FEEL NOT SO ALONE. I NEVER MIND BEARING MY SOUL FOR YOUR BENEFIT. IT'S HOW I PAY MY DEBT FOR EVERYTHING THAT'S BEEN DONE FOR ME.
People who have never had to live thru a REAL anxiety attack don't, and can't, understand it. It pisses me off so bad these little uptight bitches sitting in traffic going "oh, I'm having an anxiety attack!" I just wanna bust 'em in the mouth, teehee.
TRUE anxiety is SO real. It's like your brain rising up and attacking your body and you don't even know why or what is happening to you. And they can hit you at any time, anywhere, with no warning. Mine get so bad at times that I break out in hives, big red whelps all over my body, itching, my tongue swells up, eyes swell shut, throat closes up, and I can't breathe. Feels like the walls are closing in on me and I can't get out. If I can't get it under control with Benadryl, I have to call an ambulance and get shot up. It's because of the suppressed memories I have swimming around in my subconcious. I can be watching something funny on TV, or asleep, and it will hit me with absolutely no warning. I know it sounds crazy, but my neurologist says that my brain gets so upset with the memories playing in my subconscious brain that I can't remember, that it releases toxins into my bloodstream, and my body fights it by having an allergic reaction to it. Isn't that some freaky deaky horror movie shit?
But that's what I live with. Every single day, knowing it might happen to me. So believe me, my precious girl, when I say that I DO understand how you feel. It is very lonely feeling like no one else understands. But I promise you I do.
Talk to me here anytime, or email me if you need privacy. K?